The Confession Soundtrack

There's a chair at the far end of this table
and a strange soul sittin' in it tonight.
I been talkin' since a quarter past three in the morning,
coffee's gone cold, and here comes the light.

So don't think me evil, just hear me out.
I ain't askin' for mercy, I'm just wore out from doubt.
I did what I did and I pray it wasn't wrong,
and I've carried it silent for far too long.
There's no priest in this room, there's no hand on my head,
just a chair, and a stranger, and the things I ain't said.

Mamaidh raised me to know the difference.
The Order forced me to keep it inside.
Between the two of 'em I learned how to do it,
smile out in public with the thing that I hide.

And the funny part is, nobody asked me.
Nobody come knockin', no one said my name.
I could've took the whole of it down in the ground with me,
but a soul gets tired of carryin' blame.

So don't think me evil, just take what I said,
put it back where you found it when the sky's gettin' red.
I ain't askin' for a pardon, I don't deserve it.
I just needed one person to look at my face.
There's no priest in this room and no hand on my head,
so I told it to a stranger,
and I told it out loud.

And the funny part is, nobody asked me.
Nobody come knockin', nobody said my name.
I could've took the whole of it down in the ground with me,
thirty long years of carryin' shame.

So don't think me evil, just take what I said,
put it back where you found it when the sky's gettin' red.
I ain't askin' for pardon,
I darn well don't deserve it.
I just needed one person to look at my face.
There's no priest in this room and no hand on my head,
so I told it to a stranger,
and I told it out loud.

Someone lit the candles, bless their little heart, they tried.
The sparkle is a rumor of a thing I do by breathing.
A brunch turns to a garden when the morning comes around,
darling, I'm the sunrise.

Come a little closer, sweetie, come and get warm.
Everybody does. They always have.
They came for the sparkle. And sugar, I'm...

I don't cross a room, I let the room arrive.
It finds its focus, the way I want it to.
I'm holding a glass of bubbly,
but I never, ever indulge.

Come a little closer, darling, come and get warm.
Everybody, everybody does.
They always do.
They came out for the light,
and honey, that's mine.

A hand on a sleeve is a signature,
a laugh on pitch is a check.
Every soul in here believes that they're my favorite,
and every soul in here is right, as long as it's signed.

They'll go home and say that I was radiant.
They'll go home and say that I was kind.
One of those is true, and I will never tell you which,
'cause both of them were mine.

So come a little closer, come and get warm.
Everybody does, and they always...
Tell yourself you came for the music,
tell yourself you came for the wine.
You came out for the light, and the love,
and the light you came for is mine.

Look how I shine.
Look how she shines.
Look how I shine.
Look how she shines.
Let them borrow it, darling. Let them wear it all night.
Look how she shines.
Look how I shine.

Friday afternoon and the television's on,
half the world is dreaming and the other half is gone.
Five rings in the hallway and nobody moves.
I picked it up for somebody else. I got nothing else to do.

And she said my name like she'd said it all her life.
And she knew the day I came into the world.

Do you want to see it? The door is open wide.
There's a whole world waiting on the other side.
They're taking down the walls, they're turning on the lights.
Say yes, say yes, and it's yours tonight.
Everybody's going somewhere.
We just thought you'd like to come.

My friends are in the parking lot, the lake is turning gold.
She said, "I'm sure they'll manage. There are things you should be told."
I was nineteen, and nobody ever picked me first,
and a voice I'd never heard before said: we know exactly who you are.

And a wall comes down in a country I have never seen,
and they tell me that was us, and it could be me.

Say yes! (Say yes!)
It's only a door. (It's only a door.)
Nobody's askin' for anything you weren't already for.
Say yes! (Say yes!)
It don't cost you a thing,
and the lake will still be there in the morning.

Do you want to see it? The door is open wide.
There's a whole world waiting on the other side.
They're taking down the walls, they're turning on the lights.
I said yes. I said yes. And it was mine that night.

Everybody's going somewhere...
We just thought you'd like to come...

Mamaidh said these hills were the wrong shade of green,
but come the gray of winter they'd get close enough to home.
She'd light the lamp at suppertime and lay the paper open,
and her hand would start to move, and she'd be gone.

I'd watch her draw the rooms of somewhere nobody ever built,
stairs that turned and turned and never came back up.
Her eyes were open wide and fixed on nothing in that kitchen.
Her hand was steady as a stone. Her tea went cold.

Places she had never been.
Doors she never stood inside.
And I don't know what any of it means.
I don't know why it came to her.
I don't know why it came to me,
but I'm not layin' it down tonight.

Now it's my hand on the paper and the same lamp burning low,
and the lines come out before I know the shape they'll make.
There's nobody to ask. There's nobody left who saw it.
Just the sound of something drawn, and something wide awake.

There's an old well in the yard that's never given water in my life.
She wouldn't let them fill it. I asked her once, and why.
She said, "You don't seal a mouth just because it's gone quiet."
I was seven. I didn't know.
I'm beginning to.

Places I have never been.
Doors I've never stood inside.
And I don't know what any of it means.
I don't know why it came to her.
I don't know why it came to me.
But somebody drew the way.

Somebody drew the way.

Dora, my darling Dora.
Now don't.
Dora, my darling Dora.
Daniel. I mean it.
My darling Dora does the darndest things.
Put your hands where I can see 'em.
Both of 'em?
One of 'em, Daniel.

My darling Dora does the darndest things.
Stop it, I said.
Says stop it like she means it, and she don't.
I do!
Got a laugh she's been tryin' hard to swallow.
I am not!
Darlin', it's already gone.

Darn it.
People are looking.
People are always looking.
Dang it, Daniel.
In case you hadn't noticed, sweetheart, we are a lot to look at.
Do you know how incredibly stupid you are?
Do you know how incredibly beautiful you are?
Yes. As a matter of fact, I do.

Come here, my little sexy biscotti.
Do not call me that in public.
I'll take you to a tropical waterfall, we'll live on figs and air.
Okay, Tarzan. Hope you like poison oak.
Then I won't wear a thing.
Oh, good Lord.
Dora, come here.
No.
Come here.
All right. All right. All right. Mm-hmm.

Somebody's coming. Somebody's coming.
I'll get to them next.
Daniel!
Mornin', fellas.
Beautiful day. Beautiful day. Lovely trail. Mm-hmm.

My darling Dora does the darndest things.
Daniel, I hate you.
Says I hate you, and she don't.
I don't.
Say it again.
I don't.
That's my girl.
That's my darling Dora.

That's my darling Dora.
That's my darling Dora.
That's my darling Dora.
That's my darling Dora...

Sit down, sweet spirit. Put it right here.
Both hands. That's it. Now breathe.
I don't want your money, I don't want your name.
Whatever you came in carrying, you can leave.

Give it here. Give it here.
You go out light.
I go home heavy.
That's the work. That's the work.

Give it here. Give it here.
You go out light.
I go home heavy.
That's the work. That's the work.

I am only here to tell you this.
What you do with it is up to you.
He loves you. And he wants you to come home.
That's where you cry. That's where you always cry.

You're not crying.
Why aren't you crying?
Why are your hands warm?
Why is it coming back?

All my life it only goes one way.
It only ever goes one way.
Give it here. Give it -
Why won't you give it here?

Don't be afraid -
how do you know my name?
Those are my words. Those are my words in somebody else's mouth.
You are not alone.
You are not alone.
You are not -

Something's ringin'. Something's ringin' in my bag.
Don't go. Don't go. I need to know.
There's two kinds of warm in my two hands
and I don't know which one's true.

Give it here. Give it here.
You go out light.
I go home heavy.
That's the work. That's the work.

They named the storm after me.
Isn't that something.
Give it here.

He don't howl at the moon and he don't rattle chains,
he parks in the third spot and he stays out the rain.
Got a clean white shirt and a handshake to lend,
he'll hold the door open and he'll call you a friend.

'Cause he keeps business hours, eight to five,
signs on the line and he's home by the time
the porch light comes on and the kids are asleep,
and whatever he took, it's already been keeped.
Nothin' round here is the way that it seems.
The devil don't come in your nightmares, son.
He comes in your dreams.

Ask 'em down at the church and they'll say he's all right,
put his name on the building, keeps the parkin' lot light.
There's a picture of him grinnin' with the mayor and the band,
and a name nobody says when they're shakin' his hand.

Somebody knew. Somebody always knows.
That's how a thing like that gets the room to grow.
It wasn't the lyin' that let him get by,
it was everybody standin' there too polite to ask why.

He keeps business hours, eight to five,
holds the door for the widow, keeps his taxes on time.
Nothin' round here is the way that it seems,
and he'd tell you himself: don't think me evil.

There ain't a clock in this whole building, ain't a window either,
and the drinks keep comin' free as long as you keep playin'.
It's Tuesday but it's Saturday, it's midnight but it's noon -
and everybody on that floor tonight feels like a lucky sum bitch.

He'd been drinkin' since the sun went down, and at that hour
a table always feels a whole lot friendlier than it is.
A fortune on the hard way and a hot hand on the felt -
he'd been winnin', and he told himself it's luck.
He knew better. Tonight he didn't want to.

Roll 'em, honey, roll 'em, roll 'em the hard way -
Hard way!
Two little fives and the whole wide world pays -
Hard way!
He's got a smile that opened up a thousand doors.
But the lady at the table's played this game before.

I hope you're not expecting me to be your lucky lady.
My luck hasn't been so good.

Beautiful women have always been lucky for me.

I appreciate the compliment, sir.
But I think you'll find that's a dangerous assumption.

Now I like that even better, darlin'. Roll.

Now the floor behind her churned - the runners and the drifters -
and the whole room moved around her like a river 'round a stone.
She was the only thing in Vegas that was still.
And he could read a stranger down to what they'd trade to get it.
He never once could read his own.

Five.
And five.
Hard ten! Big winner on the hard way!

I told you beautiful women were lucky for me.

Yes. But your luck ends here at the table.
May I pass the roll, sir? I'm not feeling well.

She said his name. He never gave it to her.
She went out through the crowd and she never once looked back.
He still had money sittin' on the line
and about two seconds to decide.

He let her walk, he let her walk, he let her walk away -
Hard way!
Took the money, called it good sense, called it a lucky day -
Hard way!
He'd been doin' that since he was young and poor.
And the lady at the table's played this game before.

He won again.
And then he didn't.
And he walked out hella richer than he came in,
knowin' he had just lost.

Roll 'em, honey, roll 'em, roll 'em the hard way -
Hard way!
Two little fives and the whole wide world pays -
Hard way!
He's got a smile that opened up a thousand doors.
But the lady at the table's played this game before.
Hard way! Hard way! Hard way!

Be with me.
Be with me.
...be with me.

Take my hand. Don't look up.
Everything in here was made for looking at.

A shoulder turning gold. The nape of a neck.
A wrist. And lips already smiling before anybody speaks.
You don't see a face in here. You don't need one.
Every body in this room is beautiful tonight.

A line of light along the clavicula.
A muscle drawn and holding.
A hand at the small of a back, and it doesn't matter whose.
Something in here is laughing and it isn't really laughing.
Something in here is playing and it doesn't ever end.

There's a door off the sanctuary with a bolt on the inside.
Come with me. Come with me.
I close it. I turn it.
And the whole world goes quiet.

Look at me. Look at me.
Choose me. Be with me.
You defied us once, and we have waited years for you.
We knew what you were the moment that you came.

When they took me I believed it. I believed the whole of it.
I felt the power move and I never asked its name.
I never asked if it was good - I had nothing to compare it to.
I only ever knew that it was real.

It mirrors the light. It mirrors it perfectly.
Whatever gathers to make a thing, it gathers to unmake.
The more of us there are, the stronger the pull.
The more of us there are, the wider the door.

You have felt it in the dark when all the bodies move as one.
The air goes thick. The floor comes up to meet you.
That is not a feeling. That is a hinge.
And every one that says yes swings it open further.

It mirrors the light. It mirrors it perfectly.
Whatever gathers to make a thing, it gathers to unmake.
The more of us there are, the stronger the pull.
The more of us there are, the wider the door.

The more of us there are -
Look at me. Look at me.
The more of us there are -
Choose me. Be with me.
The more of us there are -
A shoulder. A wrist. Lips.
The more of us there are -
Choose me. Be with me. Choose me. Be with me.

...I didn't come here for this.

I said yes to everything.

Nobody told me the price was the truth.

Tell me why you gave me this.
Tell me why you gave it to a boy who never asked.
I can hold my hand out and a stranger starts to weep.
I can be the thing they're missing. I can be it in a breath.

And I think - this could be a gift.
I think - this could be for something good.
I could take a room of frightened people
and set every one of them down.

Then tell me why I'm for sale.
Puedo ser lo que tú quieras, por una moneda.
I can be anything at all to anyone alive -
¿por qué no puedo ser lo que yo necesito?

Why does love come to the door and never come inside?
Why does it look at me and know?
Every good thing that ever walked into my life
walked out - and I'm the one who held the door.

Tell me why I ruin what is good.
¿Por qué lo toco y se me vuelve humo?
I could have been so much more than this.
Pude haber sido mucho más.

Yo podría ser un hombre bueno.
Lo he sentido dentro de mí.
Hay una puerta en mí que da a una vida buena,
y me he parado frente a ella cien veces.

Y nunca la he cruzado.

So tell me why I'm for sale.
Puedo ser lo que tú quieras, por una moneda.
I can be anything at all to anyone alive -
¿por qué no puedo ser lo que yo necesito?

Dime por qué me diste esto.
Dime para qué sirve.
I can be whatever you need.
A mí nunca me ha necesitado nadie.

Put it on. Put it on.
Nobody in here has a face.

I was given something good.
I was good at something once.
I could hold a room. I could hold a hand.
I could take your weight. I could make you feel seen.

And I traded it.
And I traded it.
For a door. For a door. For a door -

Don't think me evil.
Don't think me evil.
Every mask was a face once.
Don't think me evil.

Not one of us was born a liar.
Every one of us was born with something.
The same hand that could heal you
is the hand that let it in.

The gift and the sin are the same room.
The gift and the sin are the same door.
Whatever you were best at
is the thing they came for.

And I traded it.
And I traded it.
For a door. For a door. For a door -

Don't think me evil.
Don't think me evil.
Every mask was a face once.
Don't think me evil.

Take it off.
Take it off.
...I don't know what's under it anymore.

Every mask was a face once.
Every mask was a face once.
Every mask was a face once.
Every mask was a face -

Don't think me evil.
Don't think me evil.
Every mask was a face once.
Don't think me evil.

Put it on. Put it on.
Nobody in here has a face.

I cannot lift my head.

There are iron bands upon me and I have no release.
I am not worthy to look up and see the height of heaven.
I have sinned above the number of the sand.
I did not do your will. I did not keep your word.

So I bow the knee of my heart.
I bow the knee of my heart.
I cannot stand, I cannot rise, I cannot lift my head -
so I bow the knee of my heart.

You never gave repentance to the righteous.
You never gave it to the ones who never fell.
You appointed it to me, of all your endless mercies.
You appointed it to me.

So I bow the knee of my heart.
I bow the knee of my heart.
I cannot stand, I cannot rise, I cannot lift my head -
so I bow the knee of my heart.

Forgive me, O Lord. Forgive me.
Do not destroy me with my iniquities.
Do not be angry with me forever.
For you are the God of them that repent.

So I bow the knee of my heart.
I bow the knee of my heart.
I cannot stand, I cannot rise, I cannot lift my head -
so I bow the knee of my heart.

And in me you will show all your goodness.
You will save me, and I am unworthy,
according to your great mercy.
I will praise you all the days of my life.
Amen.

I said yes to something I did not understand.
I was young. That's not an excuse. It's just true.

Nobody made me. Nobody held a door.
Just an invitation. And I said yes.
I walked in on my own.

And I stayed. I'd hand this to somebody else,
but there isn't anybody else.
No one could stop me. I took what I wanted.
Everyone saw it and I made them look away.
The only voice that ever told me the truth
came up from somewhere inside.
Somewhere deep inside.

I'm forgiving the girl I used to be.
She was stupid. She was young.
Someone knew exactly what to say.
I'm gonna let her go,
and I'm gonna carry what I did.

Think what you want of me.
I've already thought worse.
But don't think me finished.
Don't think me finished.
I'm not finished.

I've spent more years undoing than I ever spent inside.
I've lost things I am nowhere near done grieving.
I know what's in front of me and I'm going anyway.

Think what you want of me.
I've already thought worse.
But don't think me finished.
Don't think me finished.
I am not finished.

I was afraid for a long, long time.
No more fear. I did things I never imagined,
couldn't even imagine what came instead.
Rough like a storm, it came in love.
It came in so warm, it stopped being night.
Make me name Him. And I'd call it Hope.
And it's a heavier thing to carry than the fear.

Think what you want of me.
I've already thought worse.
But don't think me finished.
Don't think me finished.
I am not finished.

I know who I was.
I know who I am now.
I know what I owe, I'm still here.
And damn it, I'm not finished.
I am not finished.
I am not finished.
I am not finished.

I will be restored.

You made it through the longest night,
with dust and daylight in your eyes.
I saw you stand when fear came near.
I saw you hold the line.

So set your weapons by the door.
Let tired hands unclench once more.
Fear not, be still.
You've done well, rest now.
Let the weary heart mend.

There's road ahead.
There's work to do.
Be ready when the morning calls for you.

I cannot stay, but hear this clear:
you are not alone.
Take heart, don't fear.

The dark has passed, but not the test.
Keep wisdom close and guard your rest.
Be kind to those who bear the scars.
Be brave in ordinary hours.
A quiet strength will carry through.
The next hard mile is not on you alone.

Fear not, be still.
You've done well, rest now.
Let the weary heart mend.
There's road ahead, there's work to do.
Be ready when the morning calls for you.

I cannot stay, but hear this clear:
you are not alone.
Take heart, don't fear.

Eat, sleep, and tend the ones beside you.
Keep the promise that has brought you here.
When the next dark hour comes to find you,
stand together, let your purpose steer.

Fear not, be still, you've done well.
Rest now, let the weary heart mend.
There's road ahead, there's work to do.
Be ready when the morning calls for you.

I cannot stay, but hear this clear:
you are not alone.
Take heart, don't fear.

Rest and be ready.
Rest and be ready.